Dating Blurb

In addiction, self-centeredness is to the core, and it hinders and impairs relating. However what is to be remembered is that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole end or aim of our lives. If we have placed instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled back into disillusionment. But when we place spiritual growth first, then and only then do we have a real chance. It is then that we experience love. When a relationship passes the test of unselfishness it is then that it elevates from addiction to love, that when we can relate to the other person freely without the inhibitions of our own ‘self’.

Psychologist Stanton Peele comments about the addict’s self-centeredness in his words, “Unsure of his own identity, the addict sees other people as objects to serve his needs.” That’s why the focus on “meeting my needs” in relationships can be a dangerous one in recovery. It can lead to increased self-centeredness, which sets us up for more addictive behaviour, and this in a love relationship is often confused as possessive feeling, and thus we fail to notice the fine dividing line between both.

To deal with this hazard, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous turned to the Oxford Groups and adopted their values of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. These were the direct opposites of the alcoholic’s dishonesty, self-seeking, selfishness, and fear.

Are the alcoholics the only ones who are self-cantered? No. We’re all candidates for addictive relationships. And sexual addiction is especially powerful but, real love is more powerful than that. Love differs from sexual addiction because it rises above the need to use the other person for one’s own pleasure. Love includes the desire to grow spiritually, and to wish the same for one’s partner too. And although we often play the fool while pursuing love, I still believe that love is a splendor everyone pursues.