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Friday, February 23, 2024

How To Discover Love (Even If You’ve got Misplaced Hope)


I’ve discovered that one of many greatest confidence-killers in relationship occurs after we dwell on the the reason why somebody is probably not drawn to us. Whether or not we’re delicate about our appears, our age, and even the truth that we have now youngsters, the concern of rejection can generally cease us earlier than we get began.

Angela’s story in this week’s video is without doubt one of the most impactful I’ve heard on this topic. I’m so excited so that you can see it. If you wish to really feel extra assured in relationship (and in life!) you’ll be able to’t miss this video!

Matthew: 

All of us have our private story about why we’re going to wrestle to seek out love, about why we have now struggled to seek out love, about why it’s by no means going to occur for us sooner or later. 

And one in all my favourite issues to do is to dissolve these tales in order that we will lastly go on the market and get what we deserve on this space. This can be a story I wished to point out you that may give you hope and a brand new perception in your love life. 

As you watch this story with one in all my favourite folks on the planet, I need you to consider the story you’ve been telling your self about why you’re not going to seek out love. And see if by the tip of this story, you don’t really feel just a little bit lighter with it. 

 

Matthew (at prior Retreat):

And there was this one individual on this program (Stay Retreat) who known as me up a few months again as a result of she’d had some issues occur in her life since that program. And when she made that decision, I heard it and I went, “You’ve gotta come again. You’ve gotta come again. And I would like you to inform different folks what you’ve executed, as a result of wow.”

And so she got here again this time. And I’m going to deliver her up right here. And we’re simply going to spend 5 minutes simply speaking about what she has executed since, as a result of her story is a really, very fascinating one and so related to all of us. 

So, Angie, the place are you? Oh, there she is. Okay. Give it up for Angela, everyone. The way you doing? 

 

Angela:

Now, that was eight or 10 years in the past now?

 

Matthew:

Wow, was it that way back?

 

Angela:

Yeah, and I haven’t aged a bit.

 

Matthew:

You haven’t. 

So that you got here on that program. And I keep in mind, perhaps a great place to start out is I do know there was an enormous occasion in your life. Let’s fill folks in on that, as a result of I really feel like that offers us context for every thing we’ll say after that.

 

Angela:

In order you’ll be able to see, or chances are you’ll not have the ability to see, I put on a prosthetic. And rapidly, my story is that I used to be 23 and I used to be making my manner residence from work and life was nice. I used to be with associates, I had the job I beloved, and in a second, every thing modified. I sadly was hit by a drunk (and drug) driver. And when he hit me in a van at 70 miles per hour, I used to be injured for all times. 

The accidents I’ve now occurred at that second. And the toughest factor was when my leg was taken from the influence of the automobile, the motive force stood over me and he walked away. 

And that is what led me to Matthew, as a result of being in hospital and getting instructed, “You’re injured, you’re not going to stroll once more, you’re not going to stay independently once more . . . We don’t know should you’re going to have the ability to eat by your self or gown your self.”

I defied that. I made positive once I left the hospital that I might stroll once more. I walked in crutches, however that was ok. However my self-worth was on the bottom. And there was nothing round me and there was nothing there that confirmed me the right way to put that collectively. So I went onto YouTube and noticed one in all Matthew’s earlier movies. I imply that in a pleasant manner, after all, and he was in a park in . . . was it London? 

 

Matthew:

Yeah. It was in Berkeley Sq.. And I keep in mind the video . . . these days we have now Jameson, however then, I used to be sat on a bench simply filming myself. And it wasn’t on an iPhone. It was on like an previous Sony digicam. 

 

Angela:

And it was about core confidence. And I knew . . . I learn what confidence was, you recognize, you learn within the magazines or your pals let you know, “Be extra assured.” 

However I knew my confidence was on the bottom greater than most, as a result of the thought that was left with me was, “How am I worthy if any person may stroll away and depart me?” So I clicked on the video. I watched it. I wrote each phrase down: what core confidence is, what the degrees are . . . I’ve executed the identical as you guys and I nonetheless do the identical factor. I watched the movies. I realized every thing from it. 

And one of many greatest issues that you simply girls have taught me is we share the identical factor. We simply get what you’re saying, Matthew. So I went in your web site. You have been doing an occasion down in London and it was about confidence, wasn’t it? 

After which I went to talk to Matthew, and once more, he was bouncing from one facet to the opposite. And it was superb and the women I met there are the women who went to the Retreat in Florida. And we’re nonetheless associates to this present day. The journey that we’ve skilled, we’re nonetheless experiencing, and I’m nonetheless tapping into Matthew’s work at the moment as a result of I nonetheless wish to go to that subsequent stage.

 

Matthew: 

In order that form of brings us to the Retreat, as a result of I keep in mind a really particular second on the Retreat that you simply jogged my memory of. On the residence in Florida the place we held it, there was a mini movie show. And Angela pulled me to 1 facet and stated, “Hey, you recognize, let’s have a chat.”

We went into the film room. We sat down, one-on-one, and he or she . . . and you’ll inform me if I’m paraphrasing appropriately, however you had talked about to me that once you have been on a date, the monologue that was continually going by your thoughts was, “He’s not going to need me as a result of I’m lacking a limb.”

 

Angela:

Just about, yeah.

 

Matthew: 

What occurred subsequent?

 

Angela:
Earlier than you bought to that time, we sat in silence, and also you stated, “I’m going to sit down right here till you inform me what it’s.” And I sat there after which I crossed my arms in defiance. I used to be like, “I’m not saying,” and I couldn’t say, as a result of I felt so unhappy about that. I couldn’t say it as a result of it’s a man sitting in entrance of me, like, can I say the one factor that’s on my thoughts? 

And also you simply sat defiantly and also you have been like, “We’re going to sit down right here all day.” It was like . . . that ache. My Scottish stubbornness was popping out fairly badly. And in my head, I used to be considering, “He has to see different girls. So the extra you sit there, the extra you’re stopping him from going to speak to the women and permit them to have their second and to speak about issues.”

However I simply sat. I simply couldn’t see it. And you then stated, “There’s nothing I haven’t heard earlier than.” Identical to you’ve stated this week. And I stated it. I feel I blurted it out.

And also you, Matthew, simply stated, “And what?”

Simply these easy phrases, “And what?” and all of the issues I’d been carrying with myself was like, “Oh, you’ve been carrying this? You’ve constructed up this large image.” And it was like, “And what?”

 

Matthew:

I keep in mind saying to you . . . I keep in mind you and saying, “How boastful are you?” You keep in mind that?

 

Angela:

I began laughing, yeah. Trigger I might by no means have considered it that manner.

 

Matthew:

I stated, “How boastful are you? And also you went like this . . .” (Massive eyes)

After which after, like, 30 seconds, you simply died laughing.

And as you have been laughing, I stated, “What? You want everybody to need you? Like everybody you go on a date with has to fall in love with you and select you? Nobody can reject you? Who’re you? Nobody’s allowed to say, ‘I don’t need you’? How boastful is that?”

And also you began laughing and stated, “I do know, that’s boastful!” And it was this . . . this second that . . . I keep in mind that second due to the telephone name that you simply gave me. 

By the way in which, I additionally keep in mind a second the place we have been within the kitchen . . . ?

 

Angela:

Additionally, simply to offer you a heads-up right here, that is just about the primary time I’m sporting a skirt with my legs out.

It was my mother on the again, and a few of you may know my particular story with my mother . . . she’s at all times given me the boldness to get on the market and share it. And right here I’m. However I’m digressing. So once I went to Florida, it was all about lengthy attire, and a few skinny cardigan to cover my arm. And I believed it was like a vogue assertion I used to be going with, however wanting again, I used to be really protecting up—protecting insecurities, protecting every thing I may presumably do. And that morning, I went right down to the kitchen, and I’m making an attempt to meet up with everyone else. And keep in mind Steve’s within the kitchen. I keep in mind Matt’s mum’s on the high of the desk ensuring everyone’s okay, and Matthew got here down and I simply went (whoosh). I fell and my skirt went up. 

And I used to be like, “Oh no, hopefully my pants don’t present.”

However I used to be extra frightened about my leg displaying. I used to be extra frightened about that insecurity—that factor you have been speaking about this week, Matthew. The factor that’s holding you again, the factor you don’t wish to discuss, the factor that’s simply there.

However once you begin speaking about it . . . oh my God, your life will go like this (expansive arms). It’s taken me . . . because the Retreat, 10 years. I took on these things after which I form of debated, like I’ll take this little bit, however perhaps not that little bit. I’ll take this little bit perhaps not that little bit. A few of it labored, a few of it didn’t, and as time was occurring, I used to be like, “Yeah, that is taking a bit longer than everyone else.” After which I believed, “Let’s simply do all of it.” And with all of it, once more, my life opened up. And this story was the latest telephone name that I shared with you. 

 

Matthew: 

So inform everybody what you instructed me, as a result of this was one of many biggest telephone calls I’ve had in these final two years.

 

Angela:

Might I share one thing about your mum earlier than that? So once I fell, and made form of a scene, she came to visit to me and he or she picked me up, and he or she may see that I had spilled one thing on my gown. And he or she stated, “You go upstairs, dress, come again down, and I’ll wash your gown.” 

She washed my gown by hand and he or she hung it up, and simply by doing that little factor, like, feeling embarrassed and feeling so awkward, simply by that stunning motion that she’d executed, and it’s not an enormous deal, nevertheless it touched me and it nonetheless touches me to this present day.

And as Matthew says, that’s who his mum is, and the following day I wore the gown once more due to his mum, so thanks. I’m digressing, sorry. So the factor was, main as much as this info I used to be going to share with Matthew was. . . 

The Get the Man strategies . . . the strategies that he shares with you at the moment . . . if that was me 10 years in the past, and that is now, your life goes to be even higher than mine.

I met a man, and the primary date was good. We met for a pair hours, caught up. On the second date, as Matthew stated, I simply put all of it on the desk. Simply instructed him. Bought it over and executed with. 

And I used to be so frightened once I was going to inform this man what my accident was and what scars I’ve received and what I put on. And he circled and he stated the identical factor as Matthew: “And what?”

I knew then that this was the person for me. Was it due to what Matthew stated that this man had stated this? In all probability. But in addition what Matthew had taught me about myself.

Once I was sharing this with my date, I keep in mind earlier than assembly up with him, considering, “If he doesn’t like me for who I’m, then stuff it. Like, I’ll simply preserve going. My price doesn’t depend upon that.”

So the Get the Man stuff, that works. And if I’m standing right here and you’ll see what I put on, my scars, the insecurities . . . any insecurities you’ve had, I’ve had it. Seen it. Finished it. Bought the image. If I can get that, you’ll be able to actually get that. 

After which just a few months later, we went to St. Andrews, which is a gorgeous place in Scotland. So we went on vacation and he booked the honeymoon suite and nobody had ever executed that for me and I used to be like, “Wow, that is superb.” 

He stated, “Oh, it simply so occurred that on the resort, this was the one room they’d.”

I used to be like, “Wow, superb.”

After which we went out for one thing to eat and he’s actually nervous. He was shaking and at one level, he actually stated, ‘You wish to do this?” And when he was holding it towards me, it went and hit somebody. It was that dangerous and I used to be considering, “I’ve nonetheless received it.”

And in St. Andrews, it’s a gorgeous place up there, stunning surroundings, and I used to be like, “Yeah, let’s stroll underneath the celebs. Lovely.”

After which he stated, “Shut your eyes, I’ve received a shock for you.” 

And I used to be like, “Okay.” And I’m closing my eyes and it’s 5 minutes later and I’m considering, “I’m going to get murdered.” I’m considering the worst. 

And strolling on sand with heels and a prosthetic leg is actually troublesome. So I’m taking place to the sand and I’m making an attempt to stroll horny, however slipping, however he thought it was cute. It wasn’t actually. After which I simply was like, “Wow, that is so stunning. And take a look at every thing you’ll be able to see,” after which I stated, “What are you doing down there?” And he proposed and 6 months later we have been married. Due to you.

I’ve received two extra issues to share. Simply don’t wish to take all of your time up.

 

Matthew:

You’ll be able to run the day at the moment.

 

Angela:

I feel my nerves have form of disappeared now as a result of I’m tremendous excited now that I’m sharing this with you ladies. You see, all week, I’ve wished to let you know issues. I’ve wished to return and sit with you, however I’ve form of needed to keep a wee bit closed in case I slipped up and shared this. Trigger I’m a little bit of a gab.

So one other factor that I shared with Matthew was my story. The factor I couldn’t talk about, the factor that triggered me probably the most torment, the factor I used to be scared about, once more this factor that was holding me again . . . Matthew received it out of me. 

I’ve now began my very own charity (https://triumphoverinjury.com/residence) and I now assist households and youngsters who’ve been harmed by drunk and drug drivers. However I wouldn’t have been ready to try this if I hadn’t skilled the Retreat. 

I wouldn’t have skilled that if I hadn’t listened to the great elephant presentation right here. Or Matthew’s mum’s love and affection . . . like, the way in which that she has with folks. I’m like that now once I go and go to households, you recognize, simply with a contact. And my stunning mum within the nook as nicely, like her kindness and compassion and sweetness and at all times being there for me. You understand, I really feel very fortunate. 

However it took all this time to get right here. I would like to point out you one thing. So one of many saddest issues about being within the accident was being instructed that, “This isn’t going to occur for you. You’re not going to have your life.”

It’s like Matthew was speaking about . . . the second you think about wanting again at your life, and also you don’t have the folks round you otherwise you don’t have the issues that you really want. And I used to be instructed due to the severity of my accidents that I used to be by no means going to have a toddler. 

Think about that you simply’ve at all times wished to have a household and have a toddler, and to have that taken away from you . . . 

How do you console your self? I didn’t assume I may, and fortunately I’ve received the love of my beautiful husband now and issues like that, however Matthew wished me to return out and discuss at Christmastime, and sadly, I had to return into hospital for an additional operation. And my operation . . . it was actually laborious . . . the truth is, it was life-changing. 

I need you to see what your love and care through the Retreat has introduced . . . 

So we’ve received a wee child woman now. 

I hope no person instructed you and spoiled the shock.

Matthew:

How did you not inform me that on the telephone?

Angela:

It was actually laborious. I did say to you I had work, and I did have work, however I didn’t know if it will be secure to journey and all that.

Matthew:

What’s her identify?

Angela:

Hannah. And he or she’s so cute.

It’s like generally I take a look at her and I simply assume, “Wow, I carried you. Wonderful.”

What I wish to share with you, and I hope you’ll be able to all hear this . . . Like, should you’re coming to the Retreat or doing the Get the Man factor and also you’re considering, “I’m simply not getting it. I don’t have my targets or I don’t have this . . .” Or chances are you’ll be considering, “That is what I wish to do.” 

It’s humorous how issues simply change. However they’ve modified since you’ve had this expertise, and I’m not any completely different from you. My scars are completely different, my life experiences are a bit completely different. However I’m similar to you, I’m simply one of many ladies. And I got here from Scotland, two flights away, I dragged my mum right here, she’s now sunburned. Sorry, sorry, it’s a stunning suntan. 

I got here this week as a result of I wish to let you know that this works. I used to be making an attempt to consider a gorgeous quote or one thing like that. However it’s merely that this works. There’s no sugarcoating it. There’s no placing a reasonably bow on it. If you need your life to be higher . . . generally I began out considering I wished to go on this route, then this took me to this route. 

However I’ve achievement in my life in all areas. I do know that I’m going to have dips, however I’ve received instruments now. I really feel boosted and I’ve received much more instruments for my vanity and my confidence. 

However I do know what I’ve realized from you, I’m going to show Hannah. And what a tremendous little woman she’s going to show into.

So I wish to say thanks for listening. Thanks, Pauline. Thanks, Steve, on your superb elephant. And naturally my mum. I like you. However the trailblazer . . . Matthew. Thanks.

 

Matthew:

Girls, please can we . . . as a result of Angela didn’t want to return right here this week, however she has for us. Can we please give her an enormous spherical of applause?

Give it up for Angela, everyone!

I’ll at all times keep in mind having coached Angela. She stays one in all my expensive associates at the moment. Right here’s the place you’ll be able to go and assist Angela’s trigger if you wish to (https://triumphoverinjury.com/residence), as a result of she’s doing superb work proper now alongside mentioning her stunning household.

If you wish to undergo the identical course of that reworked Angela’s life, you’ve that chance in simply three weeks. This I feel is just about the ultimate name for the Stay Retreat in 2023. It’s occurring from the ninth of October till the fifteenth. It’s the identical six-day course of—albeit improved over a few years—that Angela went by that modified her life and enabled her to seek out love. 

And now you can expertise it for your self. Go to MHRetreat.com to get your house now. We’re right down to the final handful, so that is it. Don’t lose any extra time. Come be part of us and we’ll see you in Florida in just some weeks.

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