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Monday, December 4, 2023

The Attraction Fantasy That is Ruining Your Relationships

Notes From the Podcast:

We’ve all heard the age-old adage that “opposites entice.” It’s a romantic notion that has been perpetuated in numerous rom-coms and Hallmark films.

The story goes like this: a white-collar, work-obsessed metropolis dweller meets a down-to-earth, rough-around-the-edges individual from a small city. At first look, they appear solely fallacious for one another, and so they don’t significantly like one another as a result of they’re opposites.

Nonetheless, they finally come collectively, undergo some ups and downs, and finally reconcile and rekindle their love in a tumultuous journey. He’s the individual she by no means noticed coming, the one she wasn’t actively looking for however someway knew in her coronary heart that she wanted. All of it sounds fairly magical, doesn’t it? Effectively, it’s time to debunk this fantasy.


Why it Appears that Opposites Entice

The concept that opposites entice typically stems from a lay principle that many people maintain. We concern boredom and imagine that the connection will grow to be monotonous if we’re too much like our associate. We’ve heard phrases like, “If we’re an excessive amount of alike, it’ll be boring,” or “Nobody desires to this point their clone.” This idea additionally matches properly into the thought of stability, with the notion that one associate balances out the opposite, making a yin-yang dynamic, resembling outgoing versus quiet.


However What About These Lengthy-Time period Relationships?

We regularly look to our grandparents as examples of {couples} who’re full opposites, but they’ve managed to remain collectively for many years. We needs to be asking whether or not they’re genuinely completely satisfied or merely tolerating one another’s variations. It’s attainable to make it work by forcing your self to tolerate the disparities, however is that this really the best situation?


We Are Not True Opposites

Most of us have our personal “opposites entice” tales in {our relationships}. We imagine that the parable should be true as a result of we discover variations between ourselves and our companions. Nonetheless, we frequently fail to acknowledge that these variations aren’t true opposites however quite completely different preferences.


What Opposites Imply

Take into account traits like introverted versus extroverted, agreeable versus unpleasant, a desire for journey sports activities versus being a homebody, a love for the seaside versus the mountains, or being messy versus a clear freak. Whereas these variations might look like they’d result in relationship bliss, the truth is kind of the other. Variations typically lead to friction at finest and battle at worst.


Imbalance Between Males and Girls

One frequent false impression is that women and men are basically opposites, with girls being extra open, communicative, and caring whereas males aren’t. This notion results in a problematic dynamic the place one individual’s good traits ought to stability out the opposite’s dangerous traits. Searching for opposites can generally imply tolerating what you have to be avoiding, and it’s essential to goal for a stability of masculine and female traits inside every individual quite than attempting to stability them throughout two people.

Editor’s be aware: Prepared to draw love with a confirmed technique? Watch this free video to be taught the 7 highly effective steps


Boring Isn’t So Dangerous

Predictability, stability, concord, consolation, and security are important elements of a long-lasting relationship. These components are what can maintain a partnership for 50 years or extra.


The ONE Approach “Opposites” Work

The reality is that “opposites” working in a relationship isn’t about being reverse however quite complementary. A associate would possibly possess traits that you just aspire to have however at present lack. For instance, in case you are tremendous conservative and predictable, you might be drawn to somebody who’s extra spontaneous since you want extra carefree qualities in your life.


A Aspect Thought: Self-Reflection

Take into account the concept that you would possibly solely be drawn to opposites whenever you don’t like who you might be as an individual. It’s price exploring why you’re drawn to those that are so completely different from you.


The Technique: The Golden Rule of Attraction

In the long run, the golden rule of attraction is similarity. Any individual you’re drawn to can have areas reverse to your traits, nevertheless it’s important to acknowledge that you just like them regardless of these variations.


Remaining Thought

Keep in mind that the parable of opposites attracting is simply that—a fantasy. True compatibility and lasting relationships typically stem from shared values, pursuits, and comparable outlooks on life. Embrace the frequent floor you share along with your associate, and also you’ll doubtless discover a deeper connection and a extra fulfilling relationship in the long term.

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